Things A Southener Would Never Say

Duct tape won't fix that

Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael

Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

We don't keep firearms in this house

Has anyone seen the sideburn trimmer?

You can't feed that to the dog

I thought Graceland was tacky

No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe

Wrasslin's fake

Honey,did you mail that donation to greenpeace?

We're vegetarians

Do you think my hair is too big?

I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy

Honey, these bonsai trees need waterin?

Who's Richard Petty?

Give me the small bag of pork rinds

Deer heads detract from the decor

Spitting is such a nasty habit

I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today

Trim the fat off that steak

Cappucino tastes better than Espresso

The tires on that truck are too big

I'll have the arugula and raddicchio salad

I've got it all on a floppy disk

Unsweetened tea tastes better

Would you like your fish broiled or poached?

My fiancee, Paula Joe, is registered at Tiffany's

I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl

Little Debbi snack cakes have too many fat grams

Check Mate

She's too old to be wearing that bikini

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, heres an episode of Hee Haw that we haven't seen

I don't have a favorite football team

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side

Those shorts aught to be a little longer, Darla

Elvis who?

Hahahaha! Take Me back To The Rubber Room!

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